If only I could tell you, I love you
by Rukia Strawberry
Summary: Promise me you will not leave me for this long ever again.


**I have been writing stories all my life, but finally I am coming out and sharing my skills with the world (or Ichiruki fans ^_^")...they suck, but I will get better as I keep writing and will pursue my dreams. **

**Constructive criticism is appreciated, but no insults, or I'll cry seriously. ;_;**

**Enjoy. **

To say he wasn't excited was an understatement, that he was just fine, and that his heart was not beating faster than normal was just his own lack of self acceptance about his feelings. Looking around at those familiar faces made him feel nostalgic, the truth was that Kurosaki Ichigo is nervous beyond anything else right now, his gut's making back flips, his fists clenched by his sides, looking at them, all of them having fun, laughing, enjoying themselves made him feel like he once again belonged somewhere, like the feeling of peace has finally washed over him after such a long time. Kurosaki Ichigo was indeed happy.

17 months of separation was not easy, and that is something Ichigo accepted the hard way. He knew what kind of extents he had to go through to get back what was rightfully his. Hell thinking about it still hurt his heart, and because of this hurt, he made a promise to himself never to let this tagedy dawn on him ever again. Never again he'll say goodbye to those he keeps close to his heart. Ichigo sighed and ran a hand through his hair as he watched in one corner of the room, Rangiku, Ikkaku and Hisagi having a drinking contest, with Yumichika passing comments that how ugly it is to drink like that. So far Rangiku was wining. The sight made Ichigo laugh. Right in front of him he could see Kenpachi coaxing Ukitake to have an arm wrestle with him, which was kinda hilarious because Ukitake was rejecting him in quite an elderly manner. On the other side of the room, Kyoraku was trying to maintain his flirt face on with several Shinigami women, along with Nanao who was slapping his hand away, every time the drunk man tried to touch her cheek.

Then there was Orihime talking with Chad and Ishida, offering them to share her pastry with them, this made Ichigo smile a bit openly. Even his friends looked happy, they actually won a big battle, Ichigo ended up wining so much, he got his powers back, he got his friends back, and finally the wait, the loneliness was all gone, cause he knew he was once again home.

Rangiku, decided to throw a welcome party for Ichigo, which everyone refused to have, but in the end the strawberry blonde woman forced them to have it anyway, and eventually everyone agreed. Some of the captains refused to join, since they had other important works to do. Captains like Byakuya and Hitsugaya, even when Rangiku tried to convince her Taichou, he shoved her off. Shinji and Kensei were out on duties as well, but they did greet Ichigo and his friends once they entered through the gates of Soul Society. Hanatarou had joined them but mostly sat quiet next to Yachiru who was bothering everyone around. The guy looked so shy and scared it almost made Ichigo laugh and think that even though a lot has changed, they are still the same.

It was not easy to stay calm like he was right now or trying to be, hell he wanted all of them so badly to know how much he missed them, letting his feelings take control of him was not who he was, so he decided to be just in thoughts Ichigo failed to notice an arm came around his shoulder, pulling him out of his thoughts and he looked besides him only to find Renji smirking and looking ahead of him at others.

"Some party eh?" Ichigo smirked and nodded.

"Yeah" Renji glanced at him and punched lightly on his shoulder.

"Relax will ya, this celebration is for you, have fun for a while" Ichigo passed him an irritated frown and shoved his hand away.

"I am relaxed idiot, don't expect me to dive into an insane drinking contest, if that's what you mean" Renji chuckled and placed his both hands on his hip.

"Yeah well, I can tell, you are not the type, bet you are not even allowed to drink in the real world, plus you are too innocent to handle an alcohol take"

"Yeah, part of it true but that doesn't mean I can't handle it..." Ichigo then glared at him. "Wait, I know what you are trying to do, honestly Renji if you got me drunk tonight, I'll wipe your ass off with Getsuga Tenshou" Renji laughed loudly looking at his frowning face and then slapped on his shoulder.

"You don't have to show off bastard..." Ichigo didn't stop frowning as Renji smirked. "Good to have you back buddy...may be I should go bother someone else..."

"Yeah, you should" a hint of smirk was present there on Ichigo's face as he noticed Renji suddenly waving in one direction Ichigo arched his eyebrow Following his gaze, his jaw dropped open upon seeing Rukia standing a little further away from them in a light Purple Kimono, with black butterflies imprinted on the fabric, her short hair were down by her jawline, looking perfect, her eyes still carried that same spark and brightness, and her smile...Oh gosh that smile was to die for, and Ichigo still could not believe he was thinking all that.

Renji glanced at Ichigo and almost contained his laugh under his breath. "Better close that mouth, before you catch a fly in there" Ichigo quickly straightened and glared at Renji, cursing himself mentally for getting caught like that. Renji shrugged innocently, however Ichigo's deadly glare remained. Rukia slowly approached the two boys, and Ichigo did his best to remain calm, what the hell was wrong with him any way? He slapped himself twice mentally.

"Not bad...knowing that Matsumoto-san organized this party, it's actually good" Rukia said laughing.

"Did Byakuya give you permission to come?" Renji asked. Rukia shrugged.

"He already told me it's up to me whether I should go or not" she replied. "Besides, it is to celebrate Ichigo's return, I wouldn't miss it for the world" Rukia said looking into Ichigo's direction, with a simple smile on her face, Ichigo smiled back.

Noticing the quiet glances between the two, Renji decided to step back. "May be I should leave you two kids alone...plus Taichou will be calling me in an hour, better have some fun before going on a duty again" he gave a small thump on Ichigo's back and walked away leaving them alone. Rukia smiled at Ichigo clasping her hands behind her back.

"You look unusually calm Ichigo" she commented. Ichigo shrugged making a bored face and scratched the back of his head absentmindedly.

"Yeah so is it a bad thing" She laughed and shook her head.

"I was expecting you to be pissed, and cursing, since when do you like gatherings like these, especially arranged by Matsumoto-san when you already know the end result will be them having a massive hangover" she said.

"Don't expect me to be part of that insane scenario..." he replied looking over at Hisagi falling over a drunken Rangiku. Rukia sighed and then nodded. The sight rather looked disturbing even to her, Rukia looked away and took a seat on a nearby chair, Ichigo faced her as she kept smiling at him calmly.

"So a Vice Captain huh, that is big" he said. She looked a little startled by his comment first but shrugged.

"Yeah, well I did some...stuff during your absence" she said. He tilted his head to the side raising his one eyebrow.

"Stuff?"

"Not that you wanna know, since when are you interested in my life long issues" she said. A small smile made its way on his face and he leaned close to her, resting half of his body weight on the table next to them.

"Why don't you give it a shot" he said as calmly as ever. Rukia blinked twice but then laughed moving away from him a little to keep a safe distance. Ichigo seemed to notice that action, but decided to let it go.

She shrugged and then turned away from him. "Alright you asked for it...I won't mind explaining it to you..." Ichigo dumbfounded for a second saw a note pad in her hand which she took it out from under her kimono, with a pen and started to doodle something on a piece of paper, at first he just raised his eyebrow only to realize that he was about to be showered with a chappy terror. Rukia shoved the bunny drawing in front of his face, with a cute expression taking over her features.

"First, I decided that since you won't be around, I'll get bored" Rukia had drawn Ichigo in his normal clothes, however it was a doodle of a bunny with orange hair, with a scowl so big that even Ichigo felt a little doubtful. "So I started training, and taking missions, look here...that's me chappy Rukia" she said pointing next to his bunny form yet another nightmarish doodle that had the hairstyle same as Rukia. She smiled at him as she drew some more. "My ranks got higher, and I started succeeding in every single mission I was given, so I got promoted, and even though I asked them to hand me a chappy Vice Captain badge, they gave me a normal one instead...buuut Ni-sama still promised me that he will have a custom made chappy badge for me, isn't it..." before Ichigo could take any of her blabbing any longer, he held his hand up to her stopping her in mid-way of her sentence.

"Can I say one thing" Rukia looked at him with hopeful eyes. "You may have been promoted...but your drawings...well they still suck" he said shrugging his shoulder nonchalantly. He smirked at her rather smugly, looking at that dumbfounded look on her face, her eyes blinked twice and then her lips turned into a pout. His smirk died and he arched his eyebrow.

"Wait...are you..." her lips trembled and the corner of her eyes filled with tears, Ichigo's eyes widened at the sight of seeing her in tears and he quickly took her shoulders shaking her body, but before he could utter a single word she smacked him on his head pushed him away and left from there stomping her foot. Ichigo lost his balance and fell to the ground with a loud thud, rubbing his head and watched her go. He groaned.

"Ow, damn that woman has strength" he murmured. Before making things worse he decided to follow her. But things don't always go as planned. He saw everyone looking at him with a puzzled look on their faces, before he heard Rangiku's voice.

"Great, what did you do this time to make Kuchiki upset Ichigo" she asked as she waved her hand in front of her. He sighed and tried to stand up but was pushed down by Kenpachi again, Ichigo broke into sweat when his smirking face came near him.

"Wha...Kenpachi..would you mind giving me my...space"

"Fight me Ichigo" His eyes widened. Oh no not that. Ichigo pushed his hand away and stood up. "I heard you got real strong after you fought with that Ginjou brat... come on lets fight"

"You have got to be kidding me, I can't fight you here"

"Ken-chan wants a fight, lets fight Ichi" Yachiru commented from afar as she jumped behind his shoulder. Ichigo glanced at Orihime passing him a worried glance. He glared at Ishida who was smirking at him as if enjoying his misery.

Ichigo pushed past the tall man and held his hands up in defense. "You know I need to take care of somethings...later Kenpachi" Renji started laughing, he knew Ichigo was dead meat, and when Kenpachi wanted a fight, he wanted it instantly. It was good to see him arguing with Ichigo for a change instead of with Kuchiki-Taichou. "Better watch out Ichigo...and you might wanna take care of what you just did with Rukia" Ichigo passed him a glare.

"Yeah thanks for the help Renji, really" Noticing Kenpachi stretching his muscles, Ichigo took it as a golden chance and used shunpo out of the room.

"Ichi's leaving Ken-chan, follow him" she squealed in his ear, Kenpachi laughed and charged outside after Ichigo, who was practically running for his life now.

Ichigo ran around the Sereitei, panting loudly now looking around for Rukia, she won't be gone far from here, otherwise he might have to search for her in the Kuchiki Manner, and damn if he ran into Byakuya. Ichigo shook that thought away and from a fair distance he heard Kenpachi's loud laugh. He groaned.

"Not now damnit" he whispered. He stopped for a second placing his hands on his knees and breathing heavily.

"Ichi...waaaaaaiiitttt" Yachiru's voice rang in his ear and he gasped, without even looking behind he started running again, as he rushed into an alleyway in order to hide, it was quite dark as he leaned his back by the wall and started panting heavily. Damn his luck.

"Some party...that Kenpachi is still an ass" he whispered under his breath. He threw his head down and then ran a hand through his sweaty bangs, just then a voice rang in his ear.

"Oh Zaraki-Taichou...Ichigo is right here in this..." It was Rukia, she was pointing towards the alleyway wait where did she come from, What the hell was she doing calling the mad man for? Without thinking anything further he stretched out his hand took her thin wrist and dragged her inside pushing her against the wall and holding her both shoulders glaring at her.

"Are you trying to get me killed" Rukia passed him an angry look and looked away.

"That's the idea...now let me go" she tried to wiggle her way out of his hold, but his grip was strong, stronger than hers.

"No way, you are staying with me until he's gone" he said. She rolled her eyes.

"Like hell I am Ichigo let me go or I will call Ni-sama" he glared at her.

"Byakuya won't come here"

"Not if I can help it...Zaraki-Taichou" she started to call out to him loudly, but he suddenly placed his hand on top of her mouth silencing her.

"You really want me dead shorty...I swear I'll take you down with me" she tried to say something, but his hand around her mouth was making it hard for her to speak. She started struggling to free herself from his hold, but it was no use.

"Rukia" his voice resonated with warning and she glared back at him. Bringing her hand up to his shoulder, she tried to push him away but Ichigo held her in place. He came a little closer, and she shrieked when all of a sudden she felt his breath against her cheek, as his lips lingered near her ear.

"Will you spare me if I say sorry" his hand slid down from her mouth and back to his side. She stopped struggling and became still as soon as she heard his voice so close to her ear.

"No"

"Fine, then you are staying here with me until I make sure that Kenpachi's gone" he said. "I should have known something like that would happen...as much as I love the idea I would have appreciated this some other time" he said. Ichigo placed his hand over her mouth again when she tried to say something.

Rukia said something through his hand but Ichigo couldn't make out what it was. She groaned and pushed his hand down from her mouth. "Why did you decide to come then" she asked rather rudely. "We all would have been better off without you"

Ichigo smirked at her short statement. "Don't expect to believe that now"

Still trapped between his arms she looked away, crossing her arms across her chest. Ichigo sighed and pulled back a little from her, leaning against the wall behind him and looking down now. Rukia glanced at him and knitted her eyebrows. His slumped shoulder, his soft breathing, his bangs falling on his face, the sweat running down his temple, every sign was an indication that he look tired, very tired.

Silence between them was comfortable as Rukia decided to just observe him for a while, the moon shined on them, being their only companion in the dark alley. After a while a tender smile appeared on Rukia's face as she brought her hand up to his left cheek and started caressing his jaw line slowly, gently. Ichigo looked up at her through his bangs and smiled back.

"You look tired...sorry you didn't get to have rest after the battle with Ginjou"

"It's fine, I am not that tired" she decided not to argue over it. "Besides, I wanted to come here, meet everyone again, it was...nice"

"Huh?"

"Yeah, everyone is still the same you know, nothing has changed...it actually makes me feel kinda glad" he told her honestly. "And I am thankful for what you guys did" he said.

He looked into her violet eyes, she was quietly passing him a comforting look, that was one of the most amazing thing about Rukia's eyes. He felt so much at peace and the way her fingers were soothingly rubbing his jaw line gently. He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. She smiled sweetly at him and brushed his bangs out of his face.

Her every touch, her smile, her eyes looking into his, everything was so comforting, Ichigo never told her, but her face is what brought most of his strength back. Every time she talks, she laughs, she beat him up, everything is worth it, he can not forget the things Rukia has done for him, he can not forget about the woman who changed his whole life...he can admit to himself that he was in love with her. And may be, just may be one day he will tell her about his feelings.

"Thank you Rukia...again" Rukia smiled and blushed prettily, feeling glad that she was offering him some comfort.

"Kuuurooosaaaakiiiii-kuuuuuun"

Ichigo's eyes snapped open as soon as Inoue's voice rang in his ear. Rukia gasped all of a sudden and pushed Ichigo gently away from her. "That's Inoue...I should go.." she turned to leave but he took her hand and brought her back.

"No no no no no...wait..." she looked at him, with panic in her eyes, she wouldn't want Inoue or anyone to see them like this. She tried to say something, but he took her both hands in his and shook his head, silencing her. "Just, this moment..." Rukia stared at him with her eyes filled with emotions, and tears. Wait was she crying? "17 months...I want to forget about that loneliness" he whispered, bringing her small body closer. Judging by the situation, Ichigo looked extremely calm.

"Kurosaki-kuuuuun"

"Ichigo..." Rukia once again tried to reason with him, but he shushed her up.

They both saw pain, happiness, anger, hurt reflecting in eahc others eyes, and she looked down from him, tears falling out finally. "I have to go..." however this time she didn't try to move from where she stood, close to his body.

"Promise me you will not leave me for this long ever again" she looked at him, tears falling out and her lips trembled. She shook her head quietly. Ichigo brought her both hands close to his chest and smiled.

"I just wish I could have been stronger like you...but I missed...Rukia I missed you so much" his voice trembled. And Rukia nodded, wanting to tell him she missed him too, but her voice was gone for some reason, she couldn't utter a single word out of her mouth. He let go of her hands, and she still didn't move, Orihime's voice was heard again, but they didn't make a move to break free from their interlocked gazes.

Rukia grabbed the front of his shinigami robe and closed her eyes, at the same time Ichigo closed his. Heads tilted they slowly neared each other, noses brushing, lips almost touching, Ichigo held Rukia's hand preventing it from trembling anymore. And just when the moment of bliss was about to break out between them several other voices joined Inoue's all calling Ichigo's name. Renji as well calling both of them. Rukia opened her eyes, before the kiss even happened she placed her hand over his lips. Ichigo startled opened his eyes as well and stopped with a questioning gaze, she passed him a sad smile.

"I have to go" her voice was a mere whisper, it trembled and then she gently pushed past Ichigo, this time he didn't make any attempt to stop her as well. She exited the alleyway, leaving Ichigo slumped by the wall as he closed his eyes and sighed out.

Rukia entered the Kuchiki manor and walked straight into her room, falling on her bed and burying her face under the soft pillow. She couldn't stop herself from crying, her eyes were red, her heart was beating too fast. She didn't want to admit that she was definitely falling for Ichigo...hell she had fallen for him the minute she faded away from him 17 months ago, but she never realized how hard it would be for both of them to show their feelings out in the open. People won't accept them, Ichigo belongs to the real world, she belongs in Soul Society.

**_Promise me you will not leave me for this long ever again._**

His words echoed in her head and she realized sooner or later they would have to say good bye to each other again. And this time it could be forever...

**The End**

**My faith in Ichigo and Rukia's relationship is really strong, and I truly believe they will end up together, no matter what, love always find its ways. Ichiruki is destiny after all. *smiles***

**Hope you liked this One-shot. **


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